Don't Be Fooled - Do Your Homework

Be wary of those who are "jack of all trades." Just because someone appears overqualified does not mean they ARE qualified. The Florida Supreme Court has altered the criteria to become a certified mediator. Basically any Tom, Dick or Harry with a high school diploma can become certified as a family mediator. I mean no disrespect to those who only have a high school diploma. However, to be a qualified family mediator, a person needs a stronger educational background to truly understand how a mediation should be handled. First off, family mediators should have a law degree, which allows them to understand the law and the legal system. This is not for the mediator to give legal advice, but for the mediator to understand the essence of the legal process and be able to communicate it factually to the parties. Secondly, a family mediator should have some background or education in psychology. How can a mediator empathize, be compassionate, and have patience during a mediation if the mediator can not understand the psychological and emotional impact a family dispute, such as divorce, has on the parties involved?
So, do your homework. If you're in the market for a family mediator, choose one with the proper qualifications. A Supreme Court certification alone in family mediation does not necessarily make the mediator qualified to handle your family's affairs.

We're Just Better Friends

Believe it or not, a divorcing couple can still be friends. Although it may seem unusual, a couple going through a divorce usually with minor children can continue to stay friends despite the situation. There's nothing easier for a family mediator than working with a couple who actually likes each other, wants to do the best thing for the family, and has already agreed to a good portion of the marital division. Mediations like this are a dream and are more common than one might think. So if they like each other, why use a mediator? Why not just do the divorce yourself? Well, it's simple. The family court system can be overwhelming and someone who is new to the system will quickly get lost in the paperwork. A mediator simplifies the process.  The Marital Settlement Agreement and accompanying Parenting Plan are extremely detailed and confusing.  A mediator takes the complexity out of the forms and streamlines the process.  By properly completing the forms, a mediator can prevent the agreements from getting kicked back by a Judge for a lack of specificity or being incomplete.

Sometimes couples are just better friends than spouses. And that formula makes for the perfect pre-suit mediation.

All the Single Ladies

The term "illegitimacy" is no longer a nasty word. In past generations illegitimacy was taboo, but today it is the norm.  A family statistic quoted in the Miami Herald in February stated that "more than half of births to U.S. women younger than 30 occur outside marriage." Specifically, that group consists of "white women in their 20s who have some college education" according to Child Trends - a Washington research group. So, what's my point in throwing this statistic at you? Well, mainly it's because these unwed mothers are entitled to child support from the child's father. Even if the father is no longer in the picture, he still has a duty to pay child support.  That is the law in Florida, like it or not.  Family mediation is a great forum for resolving this issue with the father of your child. You don't need to fight about child support in court.  A family mediator can sit down with both parents, navigate them through the child support guidelines, and draw up an agreement about child support payments.  Things don't have to be difficult. Claim the child support you deserve.

Teen Parents - Listen Up

Mediation is for adults AND teens. If you are a parent, regardless of your age, mediation is a cost-effective, beneficial, and less hostile process for determining a Parenting Plan for your child. It is a concerning statistic, however, teen pregnancy accounts for 1 out of every 10 births and 39% of every 1,000 births.(http://thechart.blogs.cnn.com/2011/04/05/teen-pregnancy-rate-lowest-in-two-decades/)  Unmarried teens are not immune from the legal consequences of child-rearing.  Any MTV-watching teen has seen episodes of Teen Mom or 16 and Pregnant where teen parents have attended family mediation to work out their Parenting Plans for time-sharing schedules and child support. It is important to encourage teens to seek out a family mediator as opposed to going before a judge. Teens should learn to cooperate without hostility early on regarding the interests of their child. Mediation will set the stage for a positive relationship for the teen parents as their child grows up.

It's NOT All or Nothing

A typical mediation misconception is that all the family issues have to be settled at one time.  This is false.  Although one mediation session can resolve all the issues, this is usually not the case. When dependent children are involved, one mediation may solely consist of determining child support and creating a timesharing plan. A follow up session would be used to resolve all the other remaining family issues, such as division of marital assets/debts. If you are considering family mediation but you are not ready to resolve all the issues at one time, don't worry. The pace of the mediation process is dictated by the parties. If you are motivated to settle, then perhaps one session is enough.  However, if you are still hesitant, remember that the process can be spread out over more than one session.  Mediation puts the power in your hands!

Best Interest of the Child

As Summer Break comes to a close, there's no better time to remind timesharing families what is most important. Families who have chosen to separate and share time with their child/children are no doubt fighting to have those last few remaining days before the school year begins again. However, the all-encompassing family law motto remains - The Best Interest of the Child.  This time of year should not be a battle between parents themselves or with their children. Parents should place the best interests of their child/children at the forefront.  Going back to school can be a overwhelming and anxious experience for a child, especially one who is just entering elementary school. Put your child/children first and ask "how can we make this transition from summer to school a smooth one." It is crucial to speak to the other parent and collectively decide which environment will help the child/children the most. Obviously, if a written agreement is in place and already addresses this issue, then disregard my instructions.  But never forget that your child/children come first - Always!

I Speak the Truth

The Sun Sentinel of Broward County agrees with me. Family mediation is the wave of the future. An article published on May 4, 2011 clearly explains how the recession has forced many divorcing couples to find alternatives to the traditional lawyer-driven divorce. Many couples are working with family mediators prior to filing any divorce papers in an effort to save money.  Specifically, the articles addresses simplified divorces - divorce with no dependent children, no issues of alimony, and generally fewer assets.  Between 2005 and 2009, the number of simplified divorces has "almost doubled in Palm Beach County and jumped 20 percent in Broward County."  Divorcing couples in South Florida are willing to put their emotional issues aside and work together to save money, time, and headaches.