Divorcing After 50

Although this topic is not unusual, it now presents an interesting perspective. The "silver" divorce is gaining in popularity and beginning to concern professionals from financial planners to sociologists to the federal government. As of 2010, the silver divorce has more than doubled from 1 in 10 divorces to 1 in 4 divorces, according to U.S. Census data by the National Center for Family and Marriage Research at Bowling Green State University. Why the worry? Well, as this aging group of baby boomers suddenly becomes more single, there is a real possibility of an increase in poverty rates for these singles compared to those whom remain married.  Single individuals are less able to take advantage of the economic benefits of marriage. For instance, there are no built-in caregivers or a second source of income. Additionally, policy experts are concerned about the affect on Social Security, Medicare and other federal programs. 
Why are silver divorces doubling in numbers? Many researchers believe this increase stems from multiple factors. One major factor being the disappearance of the stigma of divorcing. A cultural shift back in the 1970's has progressively lessened the negativity surrounding divorce. Long term marriages tend to fall apart once the children are grown. Life expectancy is growing and people are no longer willing to remain in mediocre marriages when a large portion of their life is still ahead of them.
Some words of advice for those experiencing the beginnings of a silver divorce. Don't litigate against a spouse whom you've just shared 20, 30 or 40 years with.  These divorces may be tense, but can definitely remain amicable. Mediating with a Supreme Court certified family mediator is the least stressful and emotional way to separate. Mediators can also assist the individuals with finding other post-divorce professionals to help guide the parties through the next phase of their life.  After a long term marriage, one or both of the parties will benefit from the help of a financial planner, mental health therapist, and/or divorce coach. Most importantly, family mediation won't nearly break the bank for a divorcing couple as a litigious divorce would.
(Source - Miami Herald, Tropical Life Section, "Suddenly Single" by Ana Veciana-Suarez dated April 19, 2014)

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FRIDAY-ISM 025: In Honor of Memorial Day - "A hero is someone who has given his or her life to something bigger than oneself." - Joseph Campbell
As we enjoy the long holiday weekend, let's not forget to remember those who are heroes in our country and our every day life. Be a Hero to someone by showing him/her how to do the right thing.

United Family Court Summit

Today I attended an insightful and extremely informative Unified Family Court Summit. 

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Some powerful words in the wake of loss, be it loss of a loved one, relationship, or something else you cherished:
“This is not a goodbye, my darling, this is a thank you. Thank you for coming into my life and giving me joy, thank you for loving me and receiving my love in return. Thank you for the memories I will cherish forever. But most of all, thank you for showing me that there will come a time when I can eventually let you go." - Nicholas Sparks

Forgiveness - A Trait We All Can Work On

As the title already points out, forgiveness is one trait that is a continual work in progress. An act warranting forgiveness ranges from the trivial act (taking a cookie without asking), to the moderate act (telling a lie to avoid being punished or hurting someone's feelings), to the severe act which could be punishable by law.  Regardless of the act, the root of all forgiveness is the same - putting aside your own feelings as the victim and absolving the offender of the act. Research studies have shows that people who forgive are happier and healthier than those who hold grudges and resentments.  We all can work a little harder at forgiving those that have hurt us. Whether it's your child who called you a negative name or your ex-spouse who has made your life miserable after the marriage, forgiveness is in order.


An outrageous example of forgiveness was recently debuted in Iran. I have posted a link to the story below......Now that's forgiveness!
http://www.businessinsider.com/iranian-parents-spared-their-sons-killer-from-execution-2014-4?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+businessinsider+%28Business+Insider%29

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In the Words of Queen Elsa - "Let It Go!" - Although Disney's meaning for the saying is not as deep as mine, the quote is still poignant. Basically, don't sweat the small stuff. Save your arguments, opinions and judgments for the major things in life and let the simple things go.

Family Mediators Do More Than Just Divorce

As our society becomes more familiar with family mediation, we are learning of new ways to use this alternative dispute process. Family mediation is just one large umbrella that incorporates ALL family issues - divorce, children, extended family, health issues, etc. 
The below article gives some insight into how a family mediator can assist a family at odds about caring for an elderly relative. A family mediator is the perfect professional to guide a family in finding solutions and making decisions for the future.

http://www.mediate.com/articles/BurgH2.cfm